Should’ve, would’ve, could’ve….

As I sit here today, writing this post I’m replaying all the different should’ve, would’ve, could’ve scenarios in my head. Right now I should be arriving in Key West soon and preparing for tomorrow’s Southernmost Marathon. I’ve trained for five months and this was the race that I never thought I would do….a marathon? Me? Ha! But I was finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. All the training had gotten me to this point. I was more than ready for this race, but my body had other plans.

For the last four weeks, I’ve been battling something. Whether it was a head cold, a sinus infection, or the stomach bug…you name it, I was going through it. While I was on an antibiotic a few weeks back, I got sick again. I should’ve gone back to the doctor sooner, but I thought I could control it on my own. But I was wrong.

I’ve missed five days of work with being sick lately. I kept thinking if I just rest, it will get better. I went to doctor this week, thinking I’m going to nip this sickness in the butt. On Tuesday, I got two shots and an antibiotic. I was so hopeful. But I should’ve known. By Thursday, I was ill. Felt like I was dying. I had been vomiting for almost 24 hours from the pressure in my head. From Tuesday to Thursday, I lost 6 pounds. Hell I can’t lose 6 pounds to save my life in a good month, and now I was dropping weight like it was my job. Yesterday I got another shot and another round of prescriptions. I have a severe sinus infection and I am still fighting an upper respiratory infection. So here I am, with three shots and two prescriptions. Do I feel any better? A little bit, but now my new meds have me all dizzy. If it isn’t one thing, it’s another.

I would’ve gone to the doctor sooner if I realized how bad it was. Looking back I think I could’ve gotten all these meds weeks ago. But I just didn’t realize how bad I was feeling. I kept trying to push through. My sights were set on Somo and that was all that mattered. My heart is crushed that I’m missing this race. Will there be another marathon for me to run? Of course. But now I feel like all my hard work was for nothing. I’m not even sure how to pick back up with my training now. Once I feel better, I will hit the pavement and work towards my goal…I WILL BE A MARATHONER…and hopefully it’ll be sooner, rather than later.

I need to stop worrying about what I should’ve done, what I would’ve done if I knew how sick  I was, and I what I could’ve done to make it all better. Honestly I’m not sure what I could’ve done, would’ve made things play out differently. I guess this just wasn’t my race to run.

Have you ever missed out on a goal? How did you pick back up?

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